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Hi Dean,

How long have you been taking an anti-depressant? Seems I read somewhere it's only been about a month??? If so, know that it takes at least 6 weeks - 2 months to get the best effect of most SSRI's!! If you have only been taking it a short time, hopefully, you'll have better relief SOON! Also, this may not be the antidepressant that will work best for you. If you have not seen any real improvement in the depression within 2 - 3 months, you probably either need to increase the dosage, or change to a different medication. I've tried almost every SSRI there is on the market; Zoloft is the only one I've had good response to. I decided I didn't need it any longer a couple of years ago; BOY was I WRONG!!!

I am very pleased that are you taking an antidepressant, as many who could truly benefit from them, won't take them. Hubby has a great aunt that desperately needs to take them, but has it in her head that taking such drugs is what gave her sister Alzheimer's!!! The drugs her sister took were things like Valium, and Librax, and she took whatever dose SHE deemed necessary......... even bought extra Valium, etc. from co-workers!! I've tried to explain to this aunt that those drugs are NOTHING like the SSRI's we have today to treat depression, but you know how it is to get through to someone that has their mind made up on something!!

As someone that's actually been through Counseling for "Clinical Depression", I feel that I truly understand the state you're currently in. Surprisingly, the deep depression began years before disease and chronic pain, so I was "really" depressed; wasn't brought on by pain and/or stress of being ill. After seeing a Counselor for many months, and beginning Zoloft, I did very well for a few years - then IC entered my life. Even with the Zoloft, the pain was sooooo incredibly all consuming that I WANTED to take my life!!! Honestly, I even thought out how to do 'it', but was so physically weak I couldn't accomplish it, and we don't have guns in the house. I'd just had a major surgery, which also involved moving my bladder around a lot to scrap tons of adhessions off from it. With my bladder/pelvic area/genital already INCREDIBLY high, disturbing the bladder so much made it tons and tons worse. I was back in the hospital in just a few days, due to infection caused from the JP surgical drain becoming clogged and setting up bacteria. The pain continually climbed, even though I was getting shots every 3 - 4 hours of 50 mg. of Demerol!!

After being released from the hospital the 2nd time, I was in so much pain I just absolutely went "OFF"!!! My hubby was sooo scared and had no idea what to do. Finally, he called my cousin that's a nurse. She came right away and assured me that we'd find a Dr. to help me. She got me in to see a Uro that worked in her building in just 3 days. The IC was dx'd within 5 min., even though I'd already seen 2 other Uro's, had surgery that was supposed to take care of the pain, and been totally misdiagnosed, TWICE!!! (However, I did need the surgery to remove the ovary and adhesions.) I didn't even have anyone to drive me to the appt. with the Uro, and I literally shook all over from intense pain that had gone on with no release for some three months. I was given 10 mg. Lortab, and had bladder stretching surgery at the end of the week. Yes, I went through a LOT in a short time!!! Two surgeries, two hospitalizations, massive infection, all within 3 weeks time. And all that added together was only a sneeze compared to the pain I was in!

At that time, I thought that pain was the most absolutely, all consuming, extreme pain that ANYONE could ever endure!! While it was truly horrible, I was proven wrong, as my current pain is equally as bad and is all over my body instead of just one area. Having gone through all of that, pain that I used to consider a *10*, I only perceive as a *5* now. I try to see this as a blessing. NOT a blessing that I'm sicker and my pain is more wide spread and disabling, but that I learned to endure. I'm stronger than I thought I ever could be because of that horrid experience.

Along with my pain continually increasing the last several years, I've learned to be more compassionate. I'm more apt to take time to LISTEN to others, offer whatever help I can, etc. Also, I don't see the 'little things' as little things any more. Having a hubby that STILL loves me, even with all my problems, my great weight gain, and the financial burden I bring upon us, means EVERYTHING to me! Many men would have packed up and left! I know women this has happened to. I'm more thankful for what I have, and I'm satisfied with less. It doesn't take nearly as much to make me happy now, and I don't need "things" like I used to think I did. All in all, I know my diseases and my pain, have made me a better person. It's not the route I'd have chosen for myself to get to that accomplishment, but it wasn't my choice.

Dean, I hope you know what an asset you are here!! You're very caring and open to share experiences and offer help in any way you can. You're a wonderful person; a person that hasn't let tragedy turn them into a mean and rotten person!!! It may be dark and dismal a lot of the time now, but I promise you this is temporary!! There is a light at the end of the tunnel and I promise it's not an oncoming train to plow you down!!! PLEASE email me (sherrysham@earthlink.net) any time, and we can talk more one on one, if you'd like. Most of all, know you're cared about, needed and admired!!

Hugs,
Sham